Being at home makes me realize how much I loathe my Dad.
why i’ll never be satisfied with my body
A few years ago, I weighed almost 200 pounds. I was always the biggest (or second biggest) girl in all of my elementary school classes. I was the biggest girl in my group of friends as well. In grade 9, I was still just as big. In grade 10, I bought my first “fake” pair of high school uniform pants that were so tight I’m sure everyone could have counted every single cellulite and dimple on my ass and could’ve seen the outline of my underwear. In grade 11, I lost a bit of weight after taking personal fitness class. In grade 12, those pants were almost falling off of my hips. Now, I won’t say my magic number, but I definitely have lost more weight during my first year of college. And the truth is, I’m still not completely satisfied with how I look and I would want to lose around 15 - 20 more pounds. Everyone always exclaims, “Why!?! You look fine, Sam.” And I reply with the typical, “Yeah, I look fine. But I can always look better.”
Instead of egging curvy girls to stop trying to lose weight, people should be applauding us. I understand there are girls that try unhealthy methods to dieting, and that in my opinion, should not be encouraged. But what is so bad about wanting to be healthier and wanting to be skinnier? So what if I order a salad during dinner? Yes, I know a burger or a pizza won’t kill me; but at least respect my decision for wanting to be healthier. This angers me quite a bit. When I was at my heaviest, my skinny friends would tell me I looked fine when I didn’t, and would force me to eat the crap they were eating. I know they were telling me what I wanted to hear and clearly they wouldn’t actually tell me I was fat, but why try to convince me not to change my habits? Whenever I hear someone mutter about how “fat” he or she is, I don’t lie or agree. I aim to always respond with, “If you’re not happy with how you look, you need to change something!”
No matter what, it’s always going to be the smallest most subtle comments that stay with us. I remember every single time someone called me fat. Whether they meant to or not; those words will always stay with me. I remember in elementary school when I wore a flowy shirt one day, some kid asked me if I was trying to hide my “pregnancy.” I remember one summer in Poland when my Aunt asked me what I wanted to eat, she told me I was fat and that fat girls shouldn’t eat what I suggested. My father recently told me that “I’m not fat but I’m not small either.” And this is why I’m still dissatisfied with how I look. It really angers me when people try to convince me I’m not “fat”, or if I lose anymore weight “I’ll disappear into thin air.” You can say whatever you want to say, but from experience, I’m always going to remember the negative things people have said to me. They will always outweigh the nice words. And that is why I feel that I’ll never be satisfied with my body. Me and my close friend D often even joke about this (D has lost a ton of weight too), we say that even if we would ever reach 100 pounds, it still wouldn’t be good enough. We still have the mentality of our fourteen year old selves, and that will probably never go away.
Posted May 27, 2012 at 11:40pm in fitness diet self esteem self-esteem weight loss weight fat skinny
Dying for a second job right now. I will do anything! I’ll take off my nails, my facial piercings… anything. I’ll even bike ride to work for realzies.
Relateable Story About Losing Friends
Back when I was in my early-20s and fresh out of college, I was friends with a girl that I’d met at work. We were both wild and crazy. We were reckless and stupid, but we had fun. We fed off of each other’s energy and while we never got into any trouble, it was always lurking around the corner.
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Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye feat. Kimbra Hayley Williams / Fun Cover
Posted May 23, 2012 at 10:36am in somebody that i used to know gotye kimbra Hayley Williams fun
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